Topic 4 Listen for Understanding

Tips for the initiator!

Use your mental energy to listening and trying to understand the speaker’s perspective instead of trying to formulate a response or a defense. If your brain has dropped into fight or flight mode, you won’t be able to access your rational mind and you will likely make the situation worse if you speak up to soon. If you chose to “collect yourself”, make sure you do it with grace. Avoid storming out, leaving without words, or saying anything with passive aggression. We suggest that an affirming statement proceeding a departure is useful. Say something like: “I hear what you are saying and I would like to take a moment to process it,” or “Thank you to bringing this to my attention. Can I go to reflect on this and come back to you?” If you say so, make sure to really come back to it.

Remember, if someone has called your behaviour and identified something you have said as micro-aggression, they have had the courage to name it openly. And they or someone else has likely been adversely affected by what you said. It is OK to be nervous about speaking up when you witness a micro-aggressive act.